Am I wrong for thinking this is super sexy. Maybe. But I don’t give a fuck. It’s hot.
As a guy who has had a girl do this to him with a strapon, I support your choice to find this sexy
(Source: grengore)
Abuse
What separates a healthy relationship from an abusive relationship?
It’s not conflict (or lack thereof). Even the healthiest relationships have rough spots: mistakes, miscommunications, baggage, boundaries, crises and catastrophes.
In fact, many healthy & abusive relationships share the exact same root conflicts: a boundary is overstepped unintentionally, for example. When does it become abuse? There’s a very specific moment: the moment that the person who made the mistake is confronted, and instead of taking responsibility, they get defensive, and reject the victim’s feelings as invalid.
Here is what a healthy relationship sounds like: “I’m so sorry for hurting you. It wasn’t on purpose, but that doesn’t mean I’m free of responsibility. I want to do everything I can do to make it better, even if that means just leaving you alone and giving you the space and time to process your feelings. I care about you, and I did something that directly made you feel violated. That makes me feel completely rotten inside, but those feelings are not your responsibility. I might not understand why you are hurt (because I don’t imagine myself being hurt in your position), but I understand that you are hurt, and that is what matters most right now.”
We’ve all heard the alternatives:
“I’m an upstanding member of the community. I would never do something to hurt you or anyone else! You’re just imagining some crazy offense as a cry for attention. I don’t deserve to have my reputation ruined because of you.”
“I thought you loved me. Why would you hurt me by accusing me of violating your consent?”
“You gave me your consent, and you know what my interests are. If you weren’t prepared for what I did, you should have known better than to get involved with me in the first place.”
“You’re trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty so you don’t have to face your own problems. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
I doubt that anyone becomes an abuser intentionally. The above examples can all be traced to honest personality problems: insecurity, defensiveness, lack of self-worth, paranoia. Like wounds, however, they can fester into something far more daedal and poisonous if treated incorrectly.
It works just like anger and jealousy: Everyone gets angry. Everyone gets jealous. What defines us is not what we feel, but how we react to our feelings. When you’re angry or jealous, what do you do with it? Do you punch a wall, or focus on your breathing until you calm down?
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone hurts other people (whether they are loved ones or not). What defines us as human beings is not whether we hurt others, but how we react when confronted with the reality of their pain. It’s not easy: it requires us to forget our egos and open our hearts to the turmoil and chaos of another person. It hurts to see that you have hurt someone. But, if we turn fearfully away from this empathic pain, we abuse our brothers and sisters, and some of our own humanity slips away.
In many ways, abuse is less about your direct actions, and more about the way you treat other people’s feelings. Remember this the next time you hurt someone. It was easy to hurt them. You probably didn’t even realize you were doing it at the time. Now, when your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, your shame and guilt are pounding at the threshold, now is the hard part. Now is when you determine whether you are a safe person or an abuser.
Girls Rule, Subs Drool: rina's new rule.
rina may not touch Miss’s cock unless it is to relieve himself (bathroom duties).
“Miss, how do… how do I wash then?”
“Why, you don’t, silly boy. Miss does.”
So, today, before rina’s interview (Miss is very proud of Her boy for being so punctual), he hesitated before…
Also for @selchierosana … how apropos ;-)
Ok, girls, who wants to be next? The rest can come and check out my shoe collection. And there’s wine in the living room, help yourself, ladies.
Yes yes bound to a chair, waiting until I want to be licked….
for selchierosana ;-)
(Source: subservientmale)
If your tumblr is about BONDAGE/BDSM
REBLOG THIS
and help others to find and follow you!
(Source: daddysfucktoys, via girlsrule-subsdrool)
"Demanding that somebody give you orders (for something you want to do anyway) isn’t very submissive. It’s just fucking obnoxious and objectifying. BDSM isn’t just about restraints and demands, there is a very sensual and personal aspect to it. Part of the D/s relationship and dynamic is, well, submitting. The domme calls the shots, and it is her right to determine how much pleasure or pain the sub is entitled to, not the other way around."
Hard to source this…It’s a comment by a random user on a random part of the internet… Here’s to you, whoever you are “youngsub111” (via girlsrule-subsdrool)
(via dishevelleddomina)
BDSM Myths and Misconceptions
The point of female domination is for the male to never feel any pleasure or satisfaction.
A dominant who switches is “less” of a dominant.
A submissive who switches is “less” of a submissive.
Submissives are inferior as human beings.
Dominants are superior as human beings.
All switches need to top and bottom to feel satisfied.
All bisexuals need male and female partners to feel satisfied.
If a guy likes getting pegged (or any kind of anal stimulation), he’s at least a little bit gay.
Being penetrated is inherently submissive; if a man wants to get pegged but isn’t interested in submitting, he is wrong. All men who like pegging are submissive. All women who like pegging are dominant.
For men, being penetrated is inherently humiliating; if a man wants to get pegged but isn’t interested in being humiliated, he is wrong. Everyone who likes pegging is into humiliation, feminization or “sissy” play.
Masochists enjoy all kinds of pain, regardless of the type or context.
Sadists get off on making people suffer, regardless of whether their victim has consented.
It’s never OK for submissives to approach dominants at gatherings.
It’s never OK for submissives to ask for play.
It’s always OK for dominants to touch, command, manhandle or disrespect someone as long as their target is submissive.
If a submissive makes a request or a suggestion, they are “topping from the bottom”.
No dominants ever experience “drop”.
It’s easy to be a dominant, because you don’t need to care about your partner’s desires or well-being.
A submissive cannot be raped by their dominant.
Since the submissive can stop the scene any time they want, they’re the ones who are really in control; because of this, D/s play is “fake”.
A man who submits or bottoms is less of a man.
A woman who dominates or tops is a bitch, or less of a woman.
All dominant women hate men.
All submissive men are inferior to all women, or all dominant women.
All submissives are inferior to all dominants.
All dominants deserve respect because they are dominant.
Female submissives and male dominants are encouraging destructive heteronormative gender roles.
Laughing, giggling or smiling during D/s play means you’re not taking it seriously enough.
Dominants never have to apologize.
No dominants ever need to be held, or reassured, or cared for.
Being submissive means you are absolved of all responsibilities.
Submissives are weak, helpless or spineless people; that’s why they can be dominated.
Dominants are aggressive, overbearing or stubborn people; that’s why they can dominate.
Being a slave means you should tolerate consistent emotional abuse without saying anything.
All kinks are rooted in neuroses or psychological problems.
No kinks are rooted in neuroses or psychological problems.
All submissives are physically weak; a submissive should not be able to physically overpower their dominant.
Non-kinky people lead inherently less-fulfilling sex lives.
Submissives are doing their dominant a favor by submitting (that is, dominants get more out of play than submissives).
Dominants are doing their submissive a favor by dominating (that is, submissives get more out of play than dominants).
If a submissive safewords with “Yellow” or “Red”, they are being weak, or failing their dominant.
During a scene, the goal of a dominant is to get their submissive to safeword.
All submissives are supposed to misbehave on purpose to get their dominants to “punish” them.
It’s never OK for submissives to misbehave on purpose.
All dominants have strong personalities; all people with strong personalities are dominant. It’s more likely for men to have strong personalities than for women, and thus it’s more likely that any particular man is dominant.
All submissives are meek or soft-spoken; all people who are meek or soft-spoken are submissive. It’s more likely for women to be meek than for men, and thus it’s more likely that any particular woman is submissive.
Being kinky means you must love power dynamics all the time. If you aren’t interested in power dynamics, or your ideal relationship doesn’t involve 24/7 power dynamics, you are less kinky than others who want it.
Only submissive men have foot fetishes.
If you don’t feel interested in switching roles now, there’s no chance you ever will.
If someone doesn’t feel interested in switching roles now, they might become comfortable with it just because you asked them.
Control
A thought:
People who say “the submissive is really in control” are wrong.
Sure, you can safeword. But that’s not the whole story… the whole story is about priorities.
The submissive is in control to the extent that their desire to serve is superseded by other things. The stronger your desire to please and obey gets, however, the more control you can give up.
The real fun starts when the desire to submit surpasses the desire to not do certain other things which may be characterized by varying degrees of pain, humiliation, unpleasantness, or combinations of the three. Then it’s up to the dominant to test and stretch those limits, just like exercising a muscle. If you’re really lucky, the control grows subtly, and just like you might look in the mirror one day and say “Wow, since when was I this jacked?”, you might find yourself suffering exquisitely at your dominant’s behest and say, “Wow, since when was I this fucked?”
She knows what I want; she knows how to give it to me, but more importantly, she knows how to make me acutely aware of much I want it. So, she is in control, and I am delightfully, consummately fucked, in every direction at once.
- A Lucky Submissive
"I’ve talked with quite a few men about what they’ve learned from pegging and although it isn’t universal, many of them have said that they have a better understanding how their female partners might need more warm-up before intercourse, or might be in the mood for sex but not penetration, or how much one’s pleasure can be affected by seemingly minor events. Granted, anal penetration is different from vaginal penetration, but my point is simply that a physical experience can be a much more effective teacher than reading a book, just as a picture is worth 1000 words.
On the flip side, when they try pegging, a lot of women discover how much work, responsibility, and (sometimes) power can go along with fucking someone. And that’s without worrying about their cock ejaculating too soon, getting soft at random moments, or being the wrong size (assuming they have choices- there are lots of dildo options out there).
So while I’m not suggesting that it’s a panacea, I do think that trying out sex from the other side can make it easier to understand and have compassion for your partner. That isn’t limited to m/f couples or, for that matter, pegging. But given how many heterosexual folks have never tried strap-on play, it does seem like there’s an unmet need there. It won’t make communication miraculously easy and it won’t fix everything about sexism or gender-based inequities. What it can do (besides being lots of fun) is help people develop empathy, compassion, and understanding for their partners. And the more of that we have in the world, the better."
Charlie Glickman (How Pegging Can Help Save The World)
(via vanillaedge)
