Photo by  @lesliezhang1992

I have a question. I'm into ddlg, submissive roleplay, I'm straight, dominant sadist etc, so I know that a sub needs attention- they crave that attention, to be ordered, degraded, put in their place etc. and without that I guess you could say they would become lonely, sad, they would cling for that attention. Would you agree that a dom needs that same attention just as much as a sub does? And to not have that has the same amount of impact? Because I feel like it does. But its really hard to express something like "I really miss you" and stuff like that without looking soft. I feel as though you arent supposed to show those kinds of emotions and that's hard for me to deal with.

TL;DR How does a clingy dom express their need for attention without showing weakness, or is showing weakness what you have to trust them with?

A question from a Dom! They’re rare but they happen. And I welcome them! To me, the answer on this seems simple. You’re the one in the driver’s seat, you’re the one giving orders, so build the relationship the way you want it. If you want affection, order your sub to give it to you. It’s important not to cross a line into codependency or being emotionally abusive, but you’re well within your rights to say “Text me every day,” or whatever else if your particular dynamic with your sub merits it.

I remember the first time my Dom told me He missed me. I got the text while I was driving and had to pull over to swoon. It made my week if not my century. At no time did I think this was weak. D/s is about being vulnerable and open with your partner, not being some withdrawn macho man who never shows his emotions. What’s the fun in subbing for someone who is giving you no indication that they even like you? I want you to take the word “weakness” out of your vocabulary. Weakness and vulnerability are completely different.

I want you to take the word “weakness” out of your vocabulary. Weakness and vulnerability are completely different.

Your homework is to watch some Brené Brown, get comfortable with being real, and tell your sub you miss them. I think you’ll find you like how it feels to be, as you put it, “weak.” And just watch as it broadens your perspective and makes you open to a more fulfilling relationship and life. Sending best thoughts!