Hi Lina! Question for you at your convenience, I’m in a committed relationship and very much in love, we’ve already got some Daddy dom/little girl leaning tendencies that I would LOVE to build upon (I’m babygirl, he is Daddy, but it is inconsistent). How do I best come around to this convo? I know he has some experience in this arena, and I’ve had leather cuffs, and a few accessories delivered home for him to ‘discover’ - am I going about this all wrong? Please guide me fairy-submother, xo
Ok. So BDSM is all founded on communication, right? I put in every post that we should all “just talk about things,” right? It’s true! We should just talk about stuff. Should. But when you’re submissive, particularly if you’ve got some babygirl/little tendencies, it can feel really counterintuitive to be like “here’s what I need! Take it or leave it, buster!!” It can feel more than counterintuitive - for those of us who have been kink-shamed or abandoned by partners, it can feel downright dangerous. When we love what we have now - why can’t we just be happy with it?
Here’s the thing I have to tell your fear brain right now. It’s just me and your fear brain, ok? The right partner will be excited to explore with you. If you get rejected - THAT IS THE WRONG PERSON FOR YOU. And if things don’t work out, you will heal. You will use it. You will be ok.
But it sounds like here you have nothing to fear and instead have a little writer’s block about how to talk to your partner about embracing the real you - babygirl and all. I’ve heard people in the community say a good way to feel out a potential partner on whether they can be supportive of you in little space is to ask your partner to read you a story. Or whatever resonates for little you. But if you’re looking for more structure and a Daddy who can mentor you, set rules, and give you the support you need, it’s gonna have to be a conversation. Because no one is going to just intuitively pick up on the ins and outs of creating a 24/7 dynamic.
Society doesn’t really give us great tools to have conversations about sex with our partners. But the number one hack I have developed is to simply approach it like you’re giving good news. Do it at a time when everyone is feeling comfortable and tell your partner how excited you would be to explore this with him. Share your fantasies of Daddy him. Tell him how into him you are, and how this would only make everything EVEN BETTER. Because you’re not delivering bad news, you’re inviting him onto the ride of his life.
Then - research together! Go to classes, send each other articles, wander into a sex shop. This is a fun adventure and an exciting time to get closer. But, if everything isn’t perfect immediately, don’t stress. Look at every chance for feedback as an opportunity and a blessing. Be really clear with him about what you like, and gentle about what you don’t. And you’ll find your way in no time.