Recruiting

 

I'm interested in being a sub for someone who may not even know the D/s lifestyle. How do I make the first move and slip into his dm's?

I love this question. I love the optimism of this question. I love how this question assumes that all those we want to Dom us are simply waiting for the opportunity to be recruited. I want to live in that world.

Let’s start with me raining on the parade a LITTLE - but only a little. Because I think optimism is key to finding what you want and going for it. But let me help you do it safely. I don’t know how well you know this guy, but I’ll assume you probably haven’t had sex yet. That’s when some of the best fantasies flourish. In that case, it’s important to be clear with yourself that you’re interested in being a sub for your IDEA of him. Who among us hasn’t long-term lusted after some guy, picturing what a hot lover he would be, pinning us up against walls and such, and when we finally get him into bed he’s overly hesitant or bland or worse - kink shame-y. The point is not everybody lives up to the hype.

It’s important to be clear with yourself that you’re interested in being a sub for your IDEA of him.

However, I do believe you can use this imagined version of him to your advantage, as a level he could attain after you two have an in-depth discussion of what your imagined dynamic would be. Sometimes it can be super helpful to light the way for your Dom via sexy texts outlining exactly what you’re fantasizing about, i.e. “I can’t stop thinking about you tying my hands behind my back and making me go down on you,” etc. This can be a subtle way of guiding his hand without feeling like you’re topping from the bottom.

That said, this is all what happens AFTER you send the DM. In my opinion? Kink is best begun from a calm, rational, chill standpoint. Nobody wants to actually meet the Dom(me) on Tinder who slides into their messages with a long description of how they punish their naughty subs with a cane. Similarly, the best way to make a move here could be as simple as connecting on a non-sex topic (“that post of your puppy was so cute!” or “oh I love that movie!”) and then quickly and calmly segueing into a proposal to grab a drink. Then when you’ve felt out the vibe in person and explored how much he knows about kink and whether he would be a safe partner, you can start outlining exactly how you’d like to get on all fours and lick his boots ;)